Function (Open door)

2011-09-15T07:01:00.001-07:00

The world is opening up to me as each day passes. Things that used to cripple me do not anymore. If they somehow take hold, I am able to be in it for a day and come out the other side. Much like a swimmer, I can cut through the water. And it keeps going. And I keep growing. Touching. Feeling. Absorbing. Experimenting. New. Old. Again. Renew. Forgive. Forgive again. Try to forgive. Fall (hard).

2011-06-25T16:22:00.000-07:00

2011-02-20T05:15:00.000-08:00

And just for the recordI am home

2011-02-20T05:01:00.001-08:00

This is how it begins. Again. You pick up the pieces. Bit by bit. Residue. Detritus. Clothes, a sock thrown here, a pile of laundry neglected for weeks. You take down the dirty sheet covering the window and let some light in. Bills. Papers. Old letters. Photographs. Fathers Mothers children past echoes. Am I that man across the street...60 miles down south? Piles. Put them all into piles. Sort.

2010-05-04T18:28:00.000-07:00

I am getting older.This is not a bad thing.I go to visit my parents' home now like I am doing this evening.To eat warm food, sit around the dinner table with them and atticus. Laugh. Because I need it. My body hurts. I am tired.And for the first time in a very long time I feel happy to be there.Needing to be there. Needing them.

2010-03-16T04:15:00.000-07:00

for friends.there's a bit of magic in everything and then some loss to even things out.lou reed

2009-07-05T12:06:00.000-07:00

favorite quote of the day:from leah hayes"I dislike a lot of the Electroclash business that's surging in NYC right now. It's all white-girl tits and miniskirts singing about eating hot dogs and drinking Colt 45's for breakfast. it's not fucking music, or funny, or anything."

2008-11-15T05:49:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about magic and about people.I have been feeling like a recovering drunken translator. One who is starting to understand the lexicon of what he has been translating back and forth all these years.And it is both shocking and magical.

2006-10-18T09:28:00.000-07:00

Favorite Quote of the day....if not favorite quote in a long time....Cities should be edgy. They are edgy parts of America. They are not suburbia. They are supposed to be a melting pot of struggles, a collective force of ideas and energy. I watched horrified recently -- NYU students coming in with truckloads of fancy stuff. Magic Chef stoves and boxes with new computers. I mean, these are not

2006-09-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

We were in the elevator this morn me gabs and atticus going down with two other people and atticus was feeling it talk up a storm grooving his head back and forth and then just as suddenly as had been full of life he stopped and put his head down and was quiet. I realized that everyone in the elevator had their heads down. It was elevator etiquette. It left me floored. Not this. Don't learn this.

2006-08-31T05:59:00.000-07:00

I like this quote from Steve Carell:"I think a character in a comedy should not know they're in a comedy."

2006-08-29T06:50:00.000-07:00

blink...blink...flickr

2006-08-28T12:17:00.000-07:00

If anyone knows how I can upload mini movies from a phone too, I would appreciate it....

2006-08-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

Having always been obsessed with taking pictures I am enamored with images taken with cellphones. I am still wrapping my head around it. My sister (who is in town for the weekend from d.c.) and I took these images with her cellphone, a fancy slim razr phone. We (Me, Seema, Irene, Gabs, Atticus) went to the Bucktown Arts Fest and Greek Fest. Here are some photos from the whole weekend.

2006-08-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

Thursday evening as we were driving home I was playing Magnetic Field's "Busby Berkeley Dreams" and Gabrielle asked me who Busby Berkeley was. It was one of those moments I love, describing big stages, and the context of Busby Berkeley dreams while the "Ahhhh" look came across her face.The next day Atticus graduated from his classroom in daycare, the room he's been in since he was four months old

2006-08-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

Does everyone remember the very first time they were conscious of being part of a community?

2006-08-14T07:15:00.000-07:00

Long weekend.My father is very sick, he is an amazingly strong human being in spirit but he is also tired - if everyone could send some love long distance his way it would be amazing.Congratulations to Tybe Goldberg and Judd Franklin who as of Saturday are officially married. To the many who have even met them for a second you know that they have been married for much longer.Millenium Park last

2006-08-09T11:19:00.000-07:00

I am going to repost something, I hope you don't mind. I play this song often, aside form the fact that it appeals to my melancholic nature and that Nina Simone in general does....everytime I play it Gabrielle asks me if it is a man or a woman.It plays at the beginning of John Malkovitch's directorial debut. Three men are in a car and it is obvious who the most important one, the leader is. This

2006-08-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

2006-08-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

my very favorite quote of the day about laura kightlinger"a striking, tough-jawed beauty who carries her tall frame as if she’d purchased it at a height store and wished she could return it"

2006-08-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

The fruits and vegetables are from my parent's garden. I went home to see my dad today - he's pretty sick and maybe this is the thing about parents, he felt bad as did my mom about not having any food to serve me. It was almost a matter of pride, that they didn't food in the house for a guest. And after all these years I really understood it. I want to say it's an immigrant thing but I suppose

2006-07-31T20:41:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,This Saturday August 5 is the art show and anniversary of my studio space, Eidolon. Here is the general info, come out if you can. I've included Michael Cianfrani's poster for the event. Email me if you have any questions.Saturday - August 5, 2006, 7-10pmeidolon art studio7001 N. GlenwoodChicago773-381-5462Redline El, Morse stop, exit north on Lunt, across from the Heartland

2006-07-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

Charlie: My father often talked of things being revealed - that was true invention, he said. Revealing something's use, and magnifying it; discovering its imperfections, improving it, and putting it to work for you. God had left the world incomplete, he said, and it was man's job to understand how it worked, to tinker with it, and to finish it. I think that was why he hated missionaries so much -

2006-07-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

I always post about this site.But it's just another reminder that the world is so big and so small.

Unseen Al Gore Campaign video

2006-07-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

I watch this and I think, god, I like this guy. He seems like a normal, decent human being. I can disagree with him or argue with him and it'd be alright. He wouldn't put me in a corner. All in all, I really miss this guy - miss him in daily public life.Cheers, Al.

2006-07-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

I like this quote from Anthony Bourdain."Bad food is made without pride, by cooks who have no pride, and no love. Bad food is made by chefs who are indifferent, or who are trying to be everything to everybody, who are trying to please everyone ... Bad food is fake food ... food that shows fear and lack of confidence in people’s ability to discern or to make decisions about their lives. Food that’

2006-07-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

It's something you don't consciously think about on a daily basis, but if the things that you want in life...you know those things, some of them they exist on an abstract level while others are more tangible, if they aren't really wanted then it doesn't work. Is that too vague for you?Success, money, happiness, peace. Ok, so those are a little general, a lot, and they are ideas but let's make it

2006-06-28T07:49:00.000-07:00

My mom used to tell me that you can't make a living out of caring.I was thinking about that this morning. We are unpacking now and I always move too slowly. Always have. I stop and look at things, remember. Often I find a novel or a book and just begin reading. Hours will pass.I unpacked The Angel On The Roof last night, Russell Banks' short story collection and I stole it away from the boxes and

2006-06-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

I keep saying it in my head....We are made of dreams and bones We are made of dreams and bones We are made of dreams and bones______________________Inch by inch, row by rowGonna make this garden growGonna mulch it deep and lowGonna make it fertile groundInch by inch, row by rowPlease bless these seeds I sowPlease keep them safe below'Till the rain comes tumbling downPullin' weeds and pickin'

2006-06-19T07:01:00.000-07:00

When Jonathan Richman says shouts out to the Modern Lovers at the end of "Roadrunner," asking for the chant "Radio On" I get the feeling we're all Modern Lovers and he's really talking to us.

2006-06-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

There's nothing quite as sobering as sitting at your computer the day after father's day and reading the post secret website. I wish I could label the falling leaves of emotions that I feel but trying to catch all the leaves at once is futile.There really is no better "oh jesus" moments than sitting at work crying your eyes out.

2006-05-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

It is offical. Thanks to the hardwork of Michael Cianfrani, the new website, www.hileshpatel.com, is now officially up and running. I will spend the next few days (and many more days beyond and beyond) posting new artwork and works in progress. I urge everyone to visit, comment, critique, question and enjoy. The site functions as a blog with new posts describing new pieces. The posts are

2006-05-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

I took down a very ancient narendra website back when I was promoting myself musically. On it were these three photo-groups. They are from a trip I took with Irene a few years ago when she was doing a class at Bumble and Bumble. I wandered the New York streets during the day while she was in class and while my friend Kent was working. The first day I ventured out it was raining and I ran smack

2006-05-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

This site is moving soon. Just so you know. There will be a new functioning art-focused site with pieces and prnts for sale so watch out.In the meantime I promised someone I'd post some pieces. I want to wait for the majority of them as a good friend is helping me out with a site but here's a few.from a series of envelopes both watercolor and spray painted. they go as a set or individually.this

2006-05-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

More pictures of Atticus. I took these for our extended family members Moe and Patty. I am working on more pictures of Gabrielle but she is at that age when she sees me with a camera she hides.

2006-05-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

I am changing the name of this blog. It has been named Casual for a very long time now. It started off as Casual Socialist then it became shortened.I figure no one is going to grab hold of their dreams and, as my friend says, walk through that open door by being casual. It's a cop out and, frankly, lazy.If I were a superhero I would maybe kinda save the world.

2006-05-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

Art from the show. Camera courtesy of Michael Cianfrani. I am just posting a few because there will be more on the way via a new art site.

2006-05-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

Atticus daycare class picture.

2006-05-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

My friend and fellow art spacemate Michael Cianfrani is teaching a batik class and is inviting anyone interested to join.First off, here are some pics of batik shirts and here is the info in Micahel's words.....Batik classeidolon art studio7001 N. Glenviewin Roger's Park. Just off the Morse Redline stop.Well, here are all the details:I will be having two, three-week beginner's batik classes

2006-05-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

It is to the credit of the American media and press that there ineptitude plays itself into this Monday morning. I have called, googled and watched and seen very little from the main networks regarding Stephen Colbert's speech at the Correspondents Dinner. I understand the risk of generalizing the media as a whole - a lot of small press and international organizations have replayed and reported

2006-04-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

A friend sent this to me, saying: "his use of the word tangible is the most important thing i have seen recently."I agree.________________________________________________________Dear Friend, I am writing to draw your attention to the deteriorating crisis in Darfur, Sudan, and to urge you to press the Bush Administration, Congress, and key international actors to step up their efforts to stop the

2006-04-27T06:50:00.000-07:00

The art studio I rent a space from and participate in is having a joint show. Here is the postcard I made for my own self-promotion and the general info is below. It is next Saturday, May 6. The studio, eidolon, is on the other side of the tracks from the Heartland Cafe. My friend and fellow artist Lazlo will be part of the show as well as the other artists in the space. Come out if you can._____

2006-04-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

I have to share this site again: Post Secret. It alternates between making me laugh and making me cry. I know I've linked to it before but sometimes you just forget.Thank you, imperfect host, for introducing it to me oh so long ago.

2006-04-21T12:44:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about these two paragraphs out of Stephanie Zacharek's 2002 review of About a Boy.___More specifically, "About a Boy" is about the way human beings trade information and observations and feelings with one another, and about how others can sometimes make you see your way toward being the person you didn't even know you wanted to be. It's also about the ways

2006-04-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

Irene showed me a movie this weekend called Heaven. I loved it. It left me emotionally shaken. I told Irene it was such a quiet movie."Quiet?" she said,"No. It was loud. Very loud."

2006-04-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

I posted this on craigslist. If any readers know of any homes for her let me know._____________________My bassett, Stella, needs a good home. She is housebroken but I'll be upfront, she is mischievous - you know, the hiding under the table because I grabbed something off the counter mischievous. She is almost 3 and around 55 lbs. Very energetic and at times hella spastic but then when she is calm

2006-03-22T14:23:00.000-08:00

This is for my friend.For damning dreams. Having it Out with Melancholy by Jane Kenyon If many remedies are prescribed for an illness, you may be certain that the illness has no cure. A. P. CHEKHOV The Cherry Orchard 1 FROM THE NURSERY When I was born, you waited behind a pile of linen in

2006-03-21T14:31:00.000-08:00

I saw V for Vendetta this weekend. It was all at the same time maddening, inpsiring, glossy, trite and angry. It was I think the most brilliant piece of advertising to come out this year. Its merits as a film are another matter but I will say I was moved and angry too.Strangely, today Sissy sent me this poem by Louise Erdrich. It is haunting and damning in a completely different way, more

2006-03-15T08:43:00.000-08:00

Sissy sent me the link to this photo which is unbelievably gorgeous and which I like, for those who know me and my work, for obvious reasons. It's from photographer Sergio Larrain.Beware the Ides of March

2006-03-15T06:18:00.000-08:00

I have new art to show. Any critique criticism suggestion welcome. I posted them on Flickr and I will post them here too. The Flickr ones have comments.Cheers.

2006-03-14T07:23:00.000-08:00

It is National Colon Cancer Awareness Month.Thanks to Seema Patel for the heads up.

2006-02-28T06:54:00.000-08:00

Octavia Butler died Sunday. She was 58. How do you say thank you to someone you've never met? To someone who has inspired and amazed you?There are many great art moments in my life. Images, moving pictures and words. Along with Kathy Acker, Octavia Butler paused me at the right moment in life. I read The Morning and The Evening and The Night and was left speechless. I discovered her late but it

2006-02-21T13:36:00.000-08:00

I caught the Great Sandini's magic show at his and Lunas' condo on Sunday and I wanted to say congratulations on moving forward. I eagerly anticipate bringing Gabrielle next time to see the wonder on her face.

2006-02-21T13:35:00.000-08:00

New art in progress

2006-02-20T11:27:00.000-08:00

The Undergrad will screen Thurs., March 2, 4:30pmThe Eye & Ear Clinic @ SAICThe screening location is: 112 S. Michigan Ave, 13th floor screening room (rm. 1307) Please pass the word. No admission fee. Visit the Official Site

2006-02-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

two best quotes of the day:big dreams require big workandi fall as often as raindrops it doesn't phase me anymore

2006-02-16T07:24:00.000-08:00

There's this great moment in the movie Contact where Ellie's "father" is talking to her amidst the panic and overwhelming mental state that she is in. He picks up her hands and says, "You have your mother's hands."It makes me cry. Everytime I see it. It should be remembered, however - as a disclaimer, that after chemo I cry at everything: commercials, people on the street, the smallest gesture. I

2006-02-15T07:08:00.000-08:00

Never thought I'd start off the day with Bruce Willis, but if anyone is a fan of Sam Shepard then you should see the televised version of True West with Bruce as Lee and Chad Smith as Austin. I got to love Sam Shepard when someone close to me introduced his work years ago.

2006-02-14T07:49:00.000-08:00

My wings are buried underneath the clutter right now. I am trying to find them. These things are under my breath in my head as I am under the radar....I like Lazlo's photos.And David Choe.I went to a wake on Friday. I sent her granddaughters this poem.I loved Thumbsucker.And Murderball.I exist part time here now.I called the past and made a mistake.I told my sister that to get burned and scarred

2006-01-28T01:15:00.000-08:00

It's been ages since I have last posted. It's not without anything to say. Many things have been happening. It is Atticus' birthday today, January 28. A year he was been here. Has it already been a year? Has that passed? What a strange thing. Yesterday after picking up Atticus I headed to work because I had to kill time until Gabrielle finished with volleyball practice. Getting there I gently

2006-01-25T09:45:00.000-08:00

To: The EagleFrom: HileshHappy Birthday to my favorite magician.I've heard it said that proclaiming "Ricky Jay does card tricks" is like saying "Sonny Rollins plays tenor saxophone."Meaning, of course, your passion and skill can't claim a name. But we see it. We reflect it like mirrors.Much love.

2006-01-19T13:38:00.000-08:00

2006-01-03T18:51:00.000-08:00

a bad scan of the upper left of a painting

2006-01-03T18:06:00.000-08:00

I have a CT Scan tomorrow. I have to drink Barium this evening and tomorrow before the test. It's no so bad. My dad told me not to worry. My mom told me to carry an icon in my pocket. I told this to my sister and she laughed. Of course, she said.from the site Radiology InfoWhat is CT Scanning of the Body? CT (computed tomography), sometimes called CAT scan, uses special x-ray

2006-01-03T14:38:00.000-08:00

Wil: So how come we never met before now?Vivian Shing: We did meet. Nineteen years ago. I was 8, you were 9. Outside the temple.Wil: I don't remember.Vivian Shing: The Wong boys were taunting me about my parents' divorce. You beat the crap out of them. You were wearing a Kristy McNichol t-shirt, tan cords and a pageboy. You spilled your mom's groceries. We scooped them into a bag.Wil: That's

2006-01-01T04:14:00.000-08:00

It's about 6:20 on Sunday and this is the official start of a new year. There seems a lot of hullabaloo about the transition but where as before I didn't like New Years Eve and tried best in all my wannabe punk post adolescent fury to hate it, I kind of liked it this year. It was hard on me physically but I did actually make it to about 12:15 before fatigue set in and 12:56 before I gave up and

2005-12-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

I am not a holiday person. Never have been. My reasons are historically personal. I don't understand the merits and importance of "holiday" but then again it is not my holiday and I celebrate it with the people who claim it as theirs. I have many people that I love, many friends, for whom the holidays are a heavy time because of circumstance or absence. To them I want to say I love you and I will

2005-12-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

A lot of my day was spent at the doctor's office, hospital and on the road and I was generally feeling very ill. But there was a brief respite in the afternoon where I sat back and relaxed and ignored the sickness. I took this picture with my sister's phone during that moment.

2005-12-15T15:42:00.000-08:00

New art in progress

2005-12-11T08:14:00.000-08:00

Richard Pryor died. I can't tell you how incredibly sad I am. My dad, early on, made sure I was schooled on all things Richard Pryor. One of my favorite memories is watching Bustin Loose with him and laughing. A rare moment in our house.You will be missed but not forgotten.Much love.

2005-12-08T16:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I forget. Does that make sense?Sometimes I just forget. There must be something to remind me. An internal tattoo of sorts. Something imprinted inside me so I won't forget. So I won't fuck up, eat a candy bar, scream when I am angry, spend money when there is none. After all these years I physically would be covered in them, head to toe, a lot like Memento except without the post irony

2005-11-30T19:03:00.000-08:00

In the immortal words of Soren Davis and the Family Haircut, who needs a haircut?

2005-11-29T04:09:00.000-08:00

2005-11-29T03:54:00.000-08:00

I am starting some experiments in order to complete a few paintings I have been wanting to do for awhile. Initially I had wanted these ideas to be for a mural but I needed to scale that down. One of the paintings that sold at the auction, called Vincent, was the product of an accident. I had spray painted a face onto a mini canvas about a year or two ago, red on black. This year I sprayed the

2005-11-29T03:40:00.000-08:00

It's a weird thing. I went to court yesterday. Initially I was supposed to give back testimony in a case. A former coworker had called and asked me abut it. Considering that I had traffic court yesterday I coincided the dates. It fell through. That in itself is another story.I have been to traffic court a number of times, mostly for expired plates or no city sticker or not having my insurance

2005-11-27T03:34:00.000-08:00

Chris Whitley died. He was only 45.

2005-11-26T18:20:00.000-08:00

Atticus is sleeping. A little early tonight. I tried feeding him spaghetti, one of those baby spaghetti meals and he ended up wearing most of it on his face and in his hair. I switched to formula because he was getting crabby and he was just ready. It's just been him and me today. Irene was at work all day and she is out for the evening. Saturday's are usually just the two of us and if Gabrielle

2005-11-23T11:54:00.000-08:00

So it's been awhile since I've written anything here. Such a bad man am I. Snow is falling and though it seems ages since my last words here it's probably only been weeks. A lot can happen in a few weeks. Gabrielle fell off a horse and hurt her ankle. She is recovering and getting better but the actual moment, for which I was not present, was painful and emotional and scary. We had a little tiff

2005-11-10T07:30:00.000-08:00

House suspends Alaska drilling pushLeaders drop Arctic oil proposal from budget billThursday, November 10, 2005; Posted: 10:06 a.m. EST (15:06 GMT)WASHINGTON (AP) -- House leaders late Wednesday abandoned an attempt to push through a hotly contested plan to open an Alaskan wildlife refuge to oil drilling, fearing it would jeopardize approval of a sweeping budget bill Thursday.from CNN

2005-11-04T14:26:00.000-08:00

Last year on October 4 I went in for surgery for my cancer. I was diagnosed about a month or two prior and was intensely tested for the months before that. All in all, I have spent the time from the first test until now in doctor's offices, hospitals, labs, wards. I've gotten to know the nurses, how many children they have, who they are dating, what shows they watch. I show them pictures of my

2005-11-01T04:53:00.000-08:00

Irene unsuccessfully tried to spike his hair up so we could make him a punk rocker for his daycare halloween party.

2005-11-01T04:50:00.000-08:00

Atticus' original costume. Bought it a month ago. As you can see by the short sleeves he grew out of it already.

2005-10-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

2005-10-27T18:13:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that Atticus has started crawling?

2005-10-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

2005-10-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

Daniel Glinsky Sun, Oct 16, 2005 at 12:09 AMTo: hilesh@gmail.comHi,Its Daniel from http://www.rare-lyrics.com, lately I've been adding more information to our artist pages and I'm currently getting some quality tanita tikaram links for our visitors. Anyway, I've added your site to our tanita tikaram page. I would be very grateful if you would link back to us at http://lyrics.rare-lyrics.com/

2005-10-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

Rosa Parks.Two things....andfrom Miss Sarah Vowell who will articulate, yet again, what many of us cannot: Thank you. What follows is from her book and also can be heard at the end of this lovely program.............................................According to Reuters, on January 20 in Washington, a special guest at the Florida state inaugural ball was introduced by country singer Larry Gatlin.

2005-10-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

"The only song of mine that's been done by others is 'Who Knows Where The Time Goes,' which was recorded by Judy Collins and Nina Simone. In a way, I'm glad: it makes a song more personal when it's your own--although, own up, I was knocked out when they did that song!"--Sandy Denny (Melody Maker, 15 May 1971, interview by Ray Coleman)Last night we were driving home, me and the kids, and I was

2005-10-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

2005-10-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

Last night, driving home from daycare I stopped at a gas station. The man's name tag behind the counter read, "Noor." There was a tiny plastic camel on the edge of the cash register and I wondered who had given to him. Daughter, granddaughter, niece, nephew...Did he put it there, finding it perhaps in a box of something that was sent to him and decided to put it out. Maybe it reminds him of home.

2005-10-12T10:08:00.000-07:00

"Most women's pictures are as boring and as formulaic as men's pictures. In place of a car chase or a battle scene, what you get is an extreme closeup of a woman breaking down. I cry too, maybe three times a week, but it's not in closeup. It's a wide shot. It's in the context of a very large and very mean world."-Frances McDormandI love Frances McDormand. She has to be one of my favorites ever.

2005-10-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

I remember being young when I first went and bought REM's Murmur. I had saved my money as I always did and headed to the record store as I always did. I begged a friend for a ride. I bought Murmur and X's Los Angeles both on cassette tape. I was years late to both of them but I was just learning myself.After hearing about this yesterday, I remembered how much I really loved Murmur. It was one of

2005-10-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Not one to quote Bono or U2, especially nowadays, but there is a lyric from their new album that I like. I haven't really heard that much of the album. I stopped listening to the band awhile ago but I heard this song somewhere and was struck by this line:"Freedom has a scent/Like the top of a baby's newborn head."Simply, because the top of a newborn baby's head does have a certain smell. Aside

2005-10-10T15:08:00.000-07:00

I had so many things to discuss in these pages it feels like my head was going to spill over the sides. And now I am struggling to put it all down in this alotted time. I had an EMG on Saturday. It was a very painful experience. It did however conclude that I have sensory nerve damage from the chemo. The neurologist upped he shock voltage as there was no feeling in my topical nerves. Well, at

2005-10-07T12:48:00.000-07:00

MushaboomHelping the kids out of their coatsBut wait the babies haven't been bornUnpacking the bags and setting upAnd planting lilacs and buttercupsBut in the meantime I've got it hardSecond floor living without a yardIt may be years until the dayMy dreams will match up with my payOld dirt roadKnee deep snowWatching the fire as we grow oldI got a man to stick it outAnd make a home from a rented

2005-10-06T14:59:00.000-07:00

I just posted a comment on Rick and Rose's Radio Zero site and unwittingly put down my URL and realized how dank and depressing this journal gets at times and I thought what if people visit and think I am crazy so aside from the Radio Zero plug here you go.

2005-10-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

My sister gave me the gift of this quote many years ago. I have held it in a notebook for years, almost ten, knowing that someday I would need it. That someday it would make sense. It was from one of her favorite tv shows and she was kind enough to share it with me."For the first time, I feel time like a heart beat. The seconds pumping in my breast like a reckoning. The numerous mysteries, that

2005-10-04T12:57:00.000-07:00

My days, nowadays, are filled with a great tremendous sadness, something like an empty pit I have fallen into except it is nearly tangible. I can feel it in the base of my diaphragm and in the labored breath that accompanies my more low energy moments. I remember this sadness and I think that maybe sadness is too strong a word...no, maybe too romantic a word. It doesn't account for the feeling of

2005-09-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

System Of A Down singer heads to CongressSerj Tankian tries to push Armenian Genocide Resolution to voteSystem Of A Down singer Serj Tankian took part in a rally earlier this week to convince Congress to bring an Armenian Genocide Resolution to a vote.The frontman joined members of the Armenian National Committee of America, the Armenian Youth Federation and his own Axis Of Justice organisation

2005-09-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

"The most important thing I have done is to fight against forgetting and to keep remembrance alive."-Simon WiesenthalDecember 31, 1908 - September 20, 2005