Monday, May 16, 2005

A very difficult weekend. I was horribly sick for most of it. Sunday I attempted to eat solid food. Such a mistake. Besides feeling ill, my head went all over the place. This is really the first time I've been sick (aside from the whole cancer thing) for a long while. Because the feeling was the same as before the surgery, naturally my mind reached a very bad place. I kept thinking, it's back it's back. Irrational but very real at the time.

It's funny. I have this vessel that I completely abuse. I put horrible things into it. I mean, I am getting better. I quit smoking last year. Except for every now and then I don't drink much. But food is and always has been an issue. I once subsisted on Pepsi and ho hos for almost six months (and alcohol) years ago. Now my body can tolerate less and less. I am trying. My diet has actually changed considerably. But I think it needs to be even more...militant, more aggressive, or at least that is the message I am getting from my body.


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