In the immortal words of Bill Murray via Ghostbusters, "I feel so funky."

I spent the past weekend from Saturday evening into Monday afternoon in the hospital. Saturday, which was my birthday (Irene said I get a re-do) started off ok but by evening I was in severe abdominal pain and Irene rushed me to the hospital. I could barley sustain the ride over there. In the immortal words of my oncologist, "Hilesh, you minimize everything!" so I knew that if I was screaming bloody murder it must be severe.

I could barely sit up straight nor stand so they took my info at the emergency room at Swedish Covenant and put me on a gurney to wait where I squirmed and writhed around like a madman for twenty minutes. So they took me into the emergency room with Irene and the baby and questioned me and put in an IV and shot me full of morphine which ten years ago would have been ok but now freaks me out to no end and as I nodded out they prepped me for an x-ray. And later, they gave me dye to drink (which I promptly threw up four times) for a CT Scan. They also did blood work. Eventually they found nothing but they kept me on my morphine diet for the pain and waited until my surgeon came the next day. They were worried that maybe there were complications from my colon resection. They took me to this place that was neither the emergency room nor an admitting room, Just a lot of rooms separated by curtains. There was an angry polish man next to me who was cursing everyone from the doctors up to and including god out. The morphine along with the angry man and the closed in curtains made me feel very claustrophobic and a little nutty. I could go on but I will just say that they released me yesterday afternoon with no clear idea of what it may have been and I have a few instructions: increase fiber intake, stay away from red meat and drink lots of water.

So I am back at work today which oddly enough feels normal and it feels good to be normal and not going to get poked and assessed on a daily basis. My head is reeling from the hospital stay and form my mounting financial problems but I have a good poem in my head waiting to get out and I was happy to go home and change diapers which felt so incredibly zen you have no idea.

Irene, full of endless energy, has re-arranged the apartment and cleaned it out, getting ready for our final year there and for my sister's visit this week. It is truly amazing to watch her move and I feel more than a bit design-challenged. After much persuading I threw out my orange chair (I'll find a picture and post it for you all) and I kicked and screamed like a boy but when I took it out to the trash, I looked at it and thought, that chair really looks awful and beat up.

So I visited my family, my father and mother, this past Friday. A visit home is always...intense. I won't write about certain aspects of it here lest it get out and I become pariah #1 of the Indian community (which I already am, can everybody say love child? If you say it in a Stevie Wonder voice, it's far sexier). It was also a history lesson from Patel senior which I have to say I often love in spite of everything else.

While my father was talking to me I scribbled on a newspaper. Here are some of my notes:

seema wants to go out with her friends. Dar Es Salaam - German town Tanzania - German territory. British took over when they won the war Memories, memories Hilesh Patel In the evenings - grandfather - civil duties - civil guard. After the war, grandfather took everyone to visit India for three months. Independence. Gandhi. Nehru. Documentary - tank - man drove tank through town - 1st generation - meth - I hope you won't feel bad if I tell you a few thoughts. Ashish.

I am having my first cup of morning coffee in six months and it tastes good. I try not to dream of smoking cigarettes anymore (good luck great ape on your quitting!) I try not to think that life is almost there in front of me, waiting. It's here, always has been. Money or no money, paint dries, the body breaks at times and there are corners of the world that haven't seen my inqisitive eyes yet.

Happy Tuesday.