I had doctor’s visits today, all day. It’s comforting to see the girls. I call them girls affectionately but they are women, all of them. The uniform of nurses has changed over the years. What was once simple white with a cap (and sexualized endlessly) has given way to patterned tops, sometimes scrubs, sometimes black flared out pants and doctor’s coats. I love seeing my girls. We have a little routine. I wait. They open the door look in the lobby smile because they all recognize me. We banter about Atticus (now that he is here) and how all my veins have thinned out and we have to switch arms to find a good one.

You're too young for this they say.

Yes, I guess so, I say.

Sometimes the people in the oncology ward, the patients, the people I have grown accustom to seeing and talking to and becoming close with, they are like photocopies, slowly becoming less and less themselves until even they cannot remember the original. The thing that saves them is their will and their humor. they are super tough. they’d take any’all. anytime.