It's something you don't consciously think about on a daily basis, but if the things that you want in life...you know those things, some of them they exist on an abstract level while others are more tangible, if they aren't really wanted then it doesn't work. Is that too vague for you?

Success, money, happiness, peace. Ok, so those are a little general, a lot, and they are ideas but let's make it something more tangible. Think about it, let's say, an i-pod or heck, a piece of custard pie.

You have to really want these things.

You have to really want it. I guess its a new theme in this journal but really it's the same old theme in life. You look for a job...you got to want it or at least make yourself appear like you want it. Nothing comes to you of you don't want it. That's not some buddhist meditation on the nature of things. It's just the way it is.

The universe or whatever you want to call it knows when you are ready. For a large mass of potential nothingness and everythingness it's pretty patient. Are you ready, it asks. Are you really ready?

When you are, when you can want then things will come. You can build it but you have to want it otherwise it won't come. Otherwise it's frustratingly hollow, to borrow a phrase. It's pretty similar to artists who mistake ambiguity for profundity.

When things get dismal, I wallow and feel bad - it helps of your hands and feet go numb and you lose muscle control...helps the drama - I tell myself, "You're not a new leaf."

But behind it all I realize I just don't want it yet. I'm not ready. There are quite lovely people around me, the loveliest I think, poets, heartfelters, artists, thinkers, visceralators, running human beings who all look at me with that same look. Just like the universe. They all wait. Get up, boy, they say, Get the fuck up.

Everybody's moving. Everything is moving. Move. MOVE.