Friday, April 15, 2005

So, it's been awhile since I've posted. Apologies. It's amazing how much happens in such a short time, or at least since last Thursday. Part of me wants to do the quick recap, i.e., ":watched two movies, took Gabs and Atticus to the park, read a book" but maybe I'll hold off on that. My mood has been temperamental and ambiguous in the past week. I find myself increasingly flustered and unable to join the machinations of daily life. Monday, they performed a colonoscopy on me (for those of you familiar or blessed enough to have gone through this before, the prep for this is a doozy). They seemed positive after the fact. Then again I was out of it. Irene assured me that it was ok. They took tow samples and sent them off for a biopsy. I will get the results today. My CEA tests (blood cancer tests) have been negative so far but if the cancer has returned or started to return then I will be in trouble. SO far that doesn't look like a possibility but should it happen then life would definitely change again and it would involve radiation.

I was talking to my good friend this morning and she wondered what the "breaking point" might be in terms of my openness and vulnerability displayed on this blog. I guess this it. I have been full of thoughts the last week or so and the thoughts just refuse to become external. I guess the cancer and chemo made me stand outside of myself and look at my body and face. Now I feel like I've crawled back inside and am hiding.

So I might peek out in a few to say hi again. Maybe tomorrow or later, but now I am going back inside for a little while.


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