I find it harder and harder to keep my eyes open nowadays. There are certain moments during the day when it is more difficult than others, usually after noon. I don't drink coffee anymore (on occasion) so I flutter through the hours hesitantly. It doesn't help that my body feels very old and out of shape. Side effects or whatever have left me with a limited capacity to do things terribly long. For example, I usually last a good few hours before I have to sit down because it feels like I am going to pass out.

Me and Irene got married two Wednesdays ago downtown at the Cook County Clerk's Office. It was a short (5 minutes) ceremony and it was performed by Judge Haddad. He gave us a speech about the seriousness of marriage then asked us what we both do. He said we would do great together. I agree. We headed out to millennium park for our semi honeymoon, walked around, ate at the fancy millennium park restaurant, had an extremely charming waiter who himself was a cook (southern and creole) and he seduced us with a crazy chocolate desert and two glasses of port. Then we walked barefoot in between the spouting fountains. Watched the kids. It was fun. I must admit there was a tiny part of me that held some sadness. I want more but I do know that someday we will do something semi fancy. It was fun though. After the restaurant I didn't last too long before I had to sit down. It took awhile to make it to the train.

Friday we went to a graduation party (Congrats Patty!!). We took Atticus with us and Moe (and Patty and Nina and everyone) finally got to see him. He charmed the socks off of everybody as he was passed around the whole night. I had a wonderful conversation with two people I met, Amber and Jess, about music and dancing and more and the night as beautiful. It is always good to see people, good people, hangin out and talking and drinking and eating. It felt like I hadn't been out in ages. Maybe it is because I am getting older but a really good time to me is gathering good people together, your friends, new people-and talking, eating, drinking. I looked at Atticus as he was being passed around with such love that I nearly cried. Don't forget this, I wanted to tell him, this is one of those moments like catching fireflies or jumping into the ocean naked that pulls the weight of the harder things off your eyes and heart.

There are so many more harder things there. I have fears of being in a hospital bed, of being sick and having Atticus only know me that way. I have fears of him getting hurt. Of someone hurting him or Gabrielle. Of Gabrielle carrying unnecessary baggage with her into adulthood. And yet, in the actual moments I don't know how to pull the anger and sadness away from here like I could pull a fallen leaf out of her hair.

I am rambling. And getting serious again. Apologies.

I will tell you more. That Saturday I took Atticus down to pick up Irene and we strolled through the Wells Street Art Fair and it as the first year I didn't work it. Lisa was there selling her (amazing) jewelry and we visited her. I smoked a cigar for perhaps the first time in years. I might make it a summer ritual. Sunday we went and visited Irene's brother who had his appendix burst and was (is) recovering at their mom's house. Stella got sick at 4:00 in the morning Monday. I have an art deadline, I need to come up with a lot of art pieces in a short amount of time and as is always the case, when the art needs to be made, inspiration and imagination go off drinking, returning god knows when.

For Amber and Jess, and anyone else reading this, here is a link to the African band Konono. And here is a link to to their crazy video.