Saturday, November 26, 2005

Atticus is sleeping. A little early tonight. I tried feeding him spaghetti, one of those baby spaghetti meals and he ended up wearing most of it on his face and in his hair. I switched to formula because he was getting crabby and he was just ready. It's just been him and me today. Irene was at work all day and she is out for the evening. Saturday's are usually just the two of us and if Gabrielle isn't with her grandma or dad (every other weekend) it's all three of us. Most people who read this blog know that I am a public radio junkie. Honestly, I have been a radio junkie since I was a kid. I love listening and I love the physical radios themselves. I have been trying to find a great old radio for years. I started off listening to WLS in the mornings and WBBM talk radio during the day because that's what my dad played all day. Anyway, my Saturday's involve a lot of public radio and playing with Atticus or, if she's up for it, talking with Gabrielle. Today was a long day, Atticus playing, running around in circles in his walker, crawling on the floor, turning the TV on and off. I promised myself as I was cleaning that once he went to sleep I would pick up my brushed and paint or at least spray paint some stencils I have been putting aside for awhile. And yet, I find it hard. There seems to be a wall in front of me. Maybe it's just excuses. I do know that everytime I pick something up I get this feeling like all the energy drains out of me. To be fair, and genuinely accepting of my physical body, I need to give myself my iron injection. I need to snap it out.

All in all, that same energy field or whatever you may want to call it that has affected my painting has affected my writing hence the large long gaps in this blog. Many things exist in life right now, things that are "news" rather than daily occurrences, things that are more than Atticus shit on my shirt, Stella ate a piece of paper, Matilda peed on the floor, etc. I know someone who is going through surgery sometime next week and getting an appendage amputated. The doctor called and let us know that Gabrielle's foot is indeed sprained according to the X-ray.

More. Yes there is more. The thing I remember the most from today is something that happened this morning. I felt energy off someone. I've felt it before off many different people but this is the first time I've been conscious of it. I saw two people talking and the person out of my view I could actually feel her distaste (I hope that's the right word) for the other person. I could feel it. It wasn't malicious nor was it intentional. It just was. I kept thinking that relationships, romantic or friendship, can at some point reach this point. Such is life. The other person in this morning's scenario was oblivious. I can't fully explain what I want to but the feeling of seeing that, realizing that, feeling it off another person, seeing from the e outside a relationship changed, it just struck me.

I also realized today, separately, that I am very protective of my wife. That's it.


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