The world is opening up to me as each day passes. Things that used to cripple me do not anymore. If they somehow take hold, I am able to be in it for a day and come out the other side. Much like a swimmer, I can cut through the water. And it keeps going. And I keep growing. Touching. Feeling. Absorbing. Experimenting. New. Old. Again. Renew. Forgive. Forgive again. Try to forgive. Fall (hard). Fall (soft).

Abated. Briefly.

The world is also harder. All the things I protected myself from before. Intimacy. Love. Touch. Feeling. It's harder now. Harder to see what really is. What is really possible. What can exist in the faces of those you love. How easy attraction is. How complicated love and true partnership is. I see. I see.

These are my thoughts this morning because I gave my friend a ride to work and she reminded me that the people around me have dreams too. Give and receive. And my child was shy in a moment at school.

And because I saw a vein in the crook of a woman's neck and the world saw me.

And just for the record

I am home

This is how it begins. Again. You pick up the pieces. Bit by bit. Residue. Detritus. Clothes, a sock thrown here, a pile of laundry neglected for weeks. You take down the dirty sheet covering the window and let some light in. Bills. Papers. Old letters. Photographs. Fathers Mothers children past echoes. Am I that man across the street...60 miles down south? Piles. Put them all into piles. Sort. Begin again. Time to clean. Deep breaths. Make some tea. Look around. You are no longer underwater. Open your eyes. What do you see? A mess? Or home? Or home. Children. Pues que descanses cariño. Again. Morning.

I am getting older.

This is not a bad thing.

I go to visit my parents' home now like I am doing this evening.
To eat warm food, sit around the dinner table with them and atticus. Laugh. Because I need it. My body hurts. I am tired.

And for the first time in a very long time I feel happy to be there.

Needing to be there. Needing them.

for friends.

there's a bit of magic in everything and then some loss to even things out.

lou reed

favorite quote of the day:

from leah hayes

"I dislike a lot of the Electroclash business that's surging in NYC right now. It's all white-girl tits and miniskirts singing about eating hot dogs and drinking Colt 45's for breakfast. it's not fucking music, or funny, or anything."

I've been thinking about magic and about people.

I have been feeling like a recovering drunken translator. One who is starting to understand the lexicon of what he has been translating back and forth all these years.

And it is both shocking and magical.