Thursday, December 08, 2005

Sometimes I forget. Does that make sense?

Sometimes I just forget. There must be something to remind me. An internal tattoo of sorts. Something imprinted inside me so I won't forget. So I won't fuck up, eat a candy bar, scream when I am angry, spend money when there is none. After all these years I physically would be covered in them, head to toe, a lot like Memento except without the post irony cynicism.

A missionary came to Gabs' school and told the children that she was working in the middle east, bringing Christianity to the people there and providing aid. So Gabs raises her hand and says, "Well, that is nice but why can't they keep their own religion? Why can't you help them without changing their religion?" The lady responded by saying she wanted them to be in heaven with her. I laughed when Gabrielle told me the story and she was a little hurt but I explained to her that I laughed because she is so wise and it catches me off guard because she is so young.

It occurs to me that I am tattooing her and have been for years now as I am with Atticus and they are with me. And I don't mean that in the Rolling Stones way.

And I am hardly taking credit for the things she does.

It has been almost a year Atticus was born. Crazy, isn't it? It has been almost six years since I first met Gabrielle. I remember the times before I met them. With Atticus I was prepared, I was expecting it. With Gabrielle I didn't know I was going to fall in love with her mother. I didn't that I was going to be part of her world and she mine. I remember the days before recognition, before birth, before speech, when I was sitting in the cold doing foolish things.


Blogger Donaldson said...

This seems to be a theme in your life, Mister. Everyone (and I know you know this) we come into contact with leaves their imprint, and subconsciously or not we use these to create the maps that steer us through life, the universe, and everything.

Thanks for the imprint.

Friday, December 09, 2005 8:38:00 AM  

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